Ashes
by Everbliss
Summary: He smiled darkly, the kind that showed teeth. “Well,” he started. “I’m going to make a risky gamble.” [The Flame Alchemist makes an unlucky risk, and loses someone special. In the end, even Roy Mustang needs closure. RoyxRiza, deathfic, renamed]
1. I

**Disclaimer:** Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa, Square Enix, FUNmation and anything else I've forgotten.  
**  
Warnings:** Angsty-ish, dark-ish, deathfic-ish, you know, all that jazz. Also some very minor spoilers to the movie that you probably won't see unless you looked carefully. And as much as I hate admitting it, some OOCness.

* * *

Risk for You

Roy Mustang, in his own special way, was a gambler. He loved betting with himself, taking the risk over his life in mission. He never mentioned his strange hobby to anyone, save once.

"Riza, do you like betting?" he asked her as he stepped out of the car to look at the Fuhrer's house.

She shook her head. "No, I don't." She answered curtly.

He smiled darkly, the kind that showed teeth. "Well," he started. "I'm going to make a risky gamble."

At that time, she could've just looked at him strangely and bailed out of the mission... But no, she didn't. Instead, she just blessed him with one of her rare, genuine smiles and merely said, "I trust you."

_Oh,_ Roy kept thinking to himself. _Why couldn't she just tell me I was a crazy loon, and leave me?_ But he knew deep in his heart that she wouldn't, and that even if she did, he wouldn't be able to let himself let her leave.

Anyhow, the mission had been a success, except with just one more unplanned casualty that he hadn't expected. One more unintentional death he hadn't been prepared to deal with.

Roy often wondered to himself many things. Of which the most, he'd like to ask, Why did it have to be _her_? Why couldn't it be him? _He_ was the one that made the sick risk. As much as he hated admitting to himself, he wanted her back; he _needed_ her, more than anyone could tell.

_If only, if only_... Roy could almost swear that those two words were stamped into his brain, and came out attached to every thought processed through his mind.

_If only, I hadn't dragged her into this..._

_If only, I never said anything._

_If only it was me instead..._

---

Panting heavily, Roy sprinted as fast as he could to his destination in mind. 'Stupid hill,' he thought briefly when he ran down it. He slowed down, looking around. He was now surrounded by rubble, the empty remains of King Bradley's once beautiful mansion. Also to him, the place where he lost his other most trusted subordinate. Instead of feeling the familiar sense of anger rising from his belly, Roy felt...nothing. His head was finally clear of the events of the late. No more helpless homicidal thoughts filtered through his mind, and he finally felt at peace.

As Roy casually leaned against the remains of the burned fence surrounding debris, looking out at the rubble, he briefly wondered to himself, 'Is she gone, now? Forever?'

Slowly, Roy pulled himself together and stood up straight. In his mind's eye, he no longer saw the ruins of the end of his lifelong goal, instead he saw everything play out all over again. The fire, the head, the _pain_...her sweet voice speaking into his ear, and her hand gently holding his face. Everything abruptly disappeared, and the clear day before him came back again. Interestingly enough, he could almost hear her voice in his head.

_Roy,_ she'd say sternly. _You're being silly again. Get back to the matter at hand._

And so, the matter at hand... Roy reached into his pocket and pulled out his silver state alchemist watch.

"Riza," he murmured, looking down at the item in his hand. "I'm leaving now. They are sending me away, to the borders, so I can be a private." He looked away, up towards the setting sky. "I don't want to go." He whispered, closing his eyes. "I don't want to be alone." Pause. "I don't want to go without you."

He could barely feel the tear fall from his good eye and slide down his cheek, and one would not be able to make it out in the growing darkness. Roy's hand impulsively tightened around the watch that he'd held onto for many years. "There are no more state alchemists," he stated tonelessly. "After all, why do we still need any when everything now became a parliament? There are no more alchemists, or Fuhrers; the military is gone, too." He was rambling, he knew. But he couldn't stop, for fear that if he did, then the words that he'd meant to say would never be spoken.

"Anyway," he took a deep breath and tried to still his shaking hands. "I'm supposed to give this back to..._someone_." He said, referring to the silver amulet, laughing mirthlessly. "But," his voice dropped down to a whisper. "How are they supposed to know if I give it back or not?" And slowly, he dropped his state alchemist watch to the ground; first letting the watch itself slip through his fingers till he was left with holding the end of the chain, and let go of it for the first and last time in his life.

"I finally lost to myself." Was the last thing heard, save for a firm snap of his fingers, as Roy unevenly made his way back down the street he came. Behind him, starting out as a tiny spark, the watch came up in golden flames. Even so, the now private kept walking away as if there was no fire behind him, and...kept walking. Kept walking into the darkness, until he was completely enshrouded by the inky night...

---

**_Remnants of Previous Fuhrer's Mansion Once Again Comes Up Into Flames_**

_...Late the night before, the last renowned Fuhrer King Bradley's house erupts into flames. Only last week was the once-alive Fuhrer assassinated by Brigadier General Frank Archer. Also found at the scene was the half-alive Colonel Roy Mustang and the body of his First Lieutenant, Riza Hawkeye. Though the Fuhrer's body was not found, we can safely assume that he is dead, by the testimony of the eye-witness Mustang, also known as the Flame Alchemist, who said he saw the entire thing. Apparently, the Flame Alchemist and his subordinate arrived at the scene as Archer terminated the military leader. Immediately afterward, First Lt. Hawkeye was killed, and with much difficulty, Mustang executed the Archer, walking away without too many major injuries. He is now recuperating on his own, however no one is quite sure if Mustang's eye will ever heal completely._

_Sill, that doesn't help with the mystery of the fire last night. Rumors are flying; from the Fuhrer saying his last goodbye to the military, to Archer expressing his anger at Mustang by stealing his flames, to even the three ghosts left at the house arguing with each other. Found earlier this morning at the site is the twisted remains of what we suspect is a military state alchemist watch. However the shape is so grotesque from the melted metal, we can't be too sure if it was a missed piece of Bradley's possessions. Again, the officials today are scouring the grounds for any other missed items. **Caution:** No citizens allowed into the grounds as of yet. – Written by Alice Green for The Central Times Newspaper_

---

One could wonder to oneself why Roy went to the remains of the homonculus' house instead of the cemetery to say his final goodbye. To the Flame Alchemist, the Fuhrer's house was where Riza died, not the cemetery, and that is where her spirit would be hanging, regardless of the fact that it held the ghosts of the deceased Pride and Archer.

If one were to look at the watch closely before the Flame Alchemist snapped his fingers, they would see that as the silver amulet fell open, out spilled flint and steel. If one were careful, then they'd notice that a shiny, white item stuck out stark in contrast in the dark evening. And if between that two second timeframe before the watch went up in flames, one were to look at the item closely, they'd realize that it was an intricate, silver-plated locket that hung onto a thin, shimmery chain with a gold band, set with a dark, crimson ruby. And one would have to take the last millisecond to become aware that wedged tightly into the locket was a wad of folded paper.

Anyway, Roy Mustang didn't believe in ghosts, spirits or anything of that nature. He just wanted closure and a time to tell her things he never told her but wanted to...so badly. Because he didn't think that she'd haunt him forever, along with Archer...or Pride... Or...

Yeah, that's what he kept telling himself.

_-fin: Part I_

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**A/N:** This piece is dedicated to hakubaikou-chan, as she adores eyepatch!Roy. It came out a bit darker than I intended, I'm planning on writing a second part/sequel to this because I left out the last scene I had been thinking of writing about in mind, so I'll try to make it happier (and hopefully, it'll explain the OOCness here)! Just don't expect it anytime soon, since I haven't even started writing it. 

In response to Silverwitch07's review, I have no plans of continuing Good Morning, but I kept your words in mind as I wrote this one. Though this piece doesn't explain or show you the details of Riza's death, it's plenty vague, and I hope it'll give you and all other readers an idea of what happened. Basically, I want you to use your imagination when reading this. If you don't like it, I'm terribly sorry, but it's how I write.

I dearly hope that everyone enjoyed this piece. Please R & R!


	2. II

**Disclaimer:** Fullmetal Alchemst belongs to Hiromu Arakawa, Square Enix, FUNmation, VIZ and anything else I've forgotten.

Ashes: Part II

Dear Riza,

I want to first say I never expected things to turn out this way. I never did, if anything, I thought I was the one who would die. But I was wrong... like I am with everything else. I am so sorry, Riza. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, as the goddamn, selfish bastard that I am.

You know what I was going to do, though? I was going to wait after until after this entire episode with the Fuhrer was over. The ring I slipped onto the chain was an engagement ring, set with a ruby to match your beautiful eyes. That's right. Somewhere along the road up, I realized that I truly cared about, more than I expected and I had this blinding hope that maybe you did too. So a few weeks ago, I went out to a jeweler to buy a locket and planned for weeks to ask you out on a date, but there never seemed to be the right time. Then the recent problems with the Fuhrer and the Elric brothers came up, along with all the danger... and I got scared. Just before we left, I ran to buy the ring and prayed to God that if we both came out of it alive, I'd even kneel in front of everyone in the military before you (and yes, humiliate myself) in the typical clichéd fashion to make the second biggest decision in my life.

...But there's no chance of that happening anymore. Both my dreams and hopes for the future just went out the window. I knew it was too good to be true. I'm so sorry, Riza.

-Roy Mustang

_Will you marry me?_

---

"...In this holy matrimonial ceremony we bring together Riza Hawkeye and Roy Mustang..."

Roy absently tuned out the fat, old priest as a fuzzy, warm feeling the pits of his stomach slowly floated up to his rapidly, beating heart to settle as a hazy fog around his stupefied brain. He couldn't believe that he was actually standing there; at a church, in front of a cheesy priest and judge, holding _her_ hand, the only one for him, in front of all these people, too. He knew he should feel ashamed for staring at her so openly, but gods, he didn't give a damn. She was so beautiful. Like always, her hair was pulled back, except this time, in an elegant French twist to hold up a sheer, white veil covering her simply done face. She looked up to steadily meet his gaze on. Her amber-red eyes sparkled with a happiness he'd rarely seen in their times together. Her cheeks had been dusted with pink, accenting her high cheekbones and pastel lips that curved into a gorgeous smile.

His clothed hand over hers tightened as he heard the priest ramble on. "Do you, Roy Mustang, agree to take Riza Hawkeye as your lawful wedded wife...?" Roy turned his head slightly, breaking eye contact with Riza to look out into the hushed crowd. He saw all his subordinated sitting within the first two rows; Breda, Farman, Fury, even Havoc with his new girlfriend... and Hughes sitting with Glacia, and a giggle Elysia perched on his knee. He turned his gaze to a bored looking Ed (Roy knew better than to believe that cheesy look. Any idiot could tell that Ed was waiting for the moment to scream 'I TOLD YOU SO!' to the entire crowd.) sitting with a very anxious looking Al, Maria Ross and Dennis. Roy saw more heads behind them, but he didn't care. He glanced back at Hughes and saw the married man slide him a cheerful wink along with a thumbs up. Suddenly, Roy felt so much more confident and turned back to the waiting Riza before he could read the words on Hughes' lips (Probably something along the lines of 'I told you so,' too, or 'This is why you _so_ need a wife.'). He felt his own lips form a smile. "I do." He answered firmly, his hold on her hands tightening even more, as he took a tiny peek back in time to see Hughes stick his fingers into his mouth to let out a shrill wolf whistle.

Her face broke into the most beautiful grin he'd ever seen. He felt as though time stopped, just for them... And suddenly started again as the priest repeated the question for Riza. She turned from him to watch the priest, enraptured by his words. _This is my moment._ Roy felt her posture tell him.

"Do you, Riza Hawkeye, agree to take this man, Roy Mustang as your husband...?"

Slowly, she turned back to look at him, his beloved. Her face seemed to be radiating his and her happiness both. She opened her mouth to answer. "I..."

Suddenly, a terrified shriek came from the crowd. As they, along with everyone else turned to look over to see the problem, he felt her hand ripping out of his grasp to find the nonexistent holster and gun by the side of her pristine bride's dress.

Roy felt his blood go cold when he saw his nemesis slowly rise from the middle of the crowd. "Archer..." He heard a familiar, terrified voice say-- maybe it was his own.

"Die, Mustang!" The half-machine, half-man immediately started shooting. Too late, Roy could see every single bullet heading straight for him, as a white blur leapt in front of him.

"NOOO!!" A scream of anguish tore from his throat before he knew it. He collapsed with her dead weight. "Riza, no!" He yelled, shaking her limp shoulders with all his might. "Wake up! You can't do this to me!"

"Roy, Roy..." He felt a gentle hand fall onto his own arm as Hughes' voice reached his ears. Sobbing, he shook his head wildly, and looked up to see... Pride, the Fuhrer King Bradley's smiling face.

"AUGHHHH!!"

---

"Roy, Roy! Wake up!" Firm hands shook his shoulders, shaking him out of his dream. He opened his bleary eyes to see Riza looking down at him, obviously quite concerned, but well and alive.

"What's going on?" He quickly asked before she could ask _him_ what was wrong.

"Oh." She turned away from him. "You fell asleep at your desk again, while working." She answered, her voice slightly detached sounding. Strange, she never acted like this.

He sat up in his seat, his back ramrod straight, feeling alarmed with her strange behavior. "Riza?" He tried to look past her back to see what she was doing. When realizing that he caught nothing, he stood up and slowly walked around the table to her. "Riza?" He asked again, this time letting a little more worry seep into his voice.

"Hmm?" She hummed, and turned around, a cup in each hand. "Coffee or tea?"

Slightly taken back, Roy absently answered, "Coffee" and reached for the coffee mug in her left hand. As he brought the rim up to his lips, he noticed the glittering ruby sparkling from her ring finger. "Hey," he exclaimed quietly. "You wore your ring today."

She looked at him over the rim of her own petite porcelain teacup. "Of course I did." She answered easily, amused. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Oh, I don't know..." He gave her a mischievous wink as he set his mug onto the table and took her teacup to set it down as well. She raised her eyebrow at him, plainly wondering what horrendous thoughts were going through his mind now. "Maybe you forgot to..." He took her hand and gently led her to the couch in the living room. "...Or you _accidentally _dropped it in the toilet."

Giving him a dramatic, exasperated sigh and an eye roll, she gracefully fell onto the couch beside him. Meanwhile, Roy let out a happy sigh as her head fell into the place in the crook between his neck and shoulder as his arms went around her shoulders. "Are you... happy, Riza?" He whispered softly, almost afraid of the answer, like always.

"Of course I am." She answered simply, either completely missing his uncertainty, or choosing to ignore it. "If I wasn't," she brought a slim, pale hand up to gently touch his cheek. "Then you'd know by yesterday... Or at least you'd have my gun pointing at your forehead by now." She added on, as an afterthought.

He chuckled lightly as she just smiled. The moment went, and Roy frowned. Something didn't feel right; there was a little thought at the back of his mind nagging him about it. Quickly, he pushed it away before it could ruin his nice evening. Gently, Roy reached for the silver chain that hung around Riza's neck. On it hung the silver-plaited locket that he had gotten her when they had first gotten serious. Slowly, with the utmost carefulness, he opened it.

She looked at him curiously, wondering what was going on still, in that strange and mysterious mind of his. "I love the pictures you put in there," she commented softly, carefully watching for any facial expression crossing his features.

He snorted in disbelief. "And I can't believe I actually stuck that in there," he retorted, looking at the image one last time before briskly snapping it shut again.

She wriggled around until she could look at him in the eye. "Well, you have to admit, Black Hayate looks really cute..." Roy shook his head. A few weeks back, Havoc had been assigned to a surveillance mission, to write up an observation on Roy. He'd found the log around the time of the Warehouse 13/B incident. The folder itself contained notes, journals, and pictures. Among the pictures, Roy discovered one of him attempting to feed Black Hayate, shrunk it, and cropped it so it in the photo pocket of the locket. Feeling it wasn't enough, he searched around until he found one of Riza playing with Black Hayate when she'd first taken him in.

_Ah, good time_, Roy felt his mouth curve into a smirk.

"So, if Black Hayate looked, then I must be pretty hot."

She just _looked_ at him. Then her eyes lit up, as her lips curled into a playful smile. "No," she said in all seriousness. "You just look pretty stoned."

He just smiled and said nothing else, the nagging thought at the back of his mind still bothering him. He suddenly saw flashes of his dream again. Shuddering, he tightened his arms around her and drew her closer.

"What's wrong, Roy?" she looked at him, worried; the playful grin gone, now replaced by worried lines creased across her forehead.

"In my dream" he started softly. "We were getting married again. You, me, that old priest guy and everyone else." She nodded, her eyes staring intently into his own. Suddenly, he felt incredibly dumb for his fears. "Nothing," he shrugged. "It was just a dream."

"No," she said quietly, gripping his hand with hers. "Tell me," she nodded again, encouraging him. "I want to hear about it."

He swallowed hard. "Well," he plowed ahead. "We were in that one church again and doing the whole 'I do' thing again." He voice grew soft and Riza leaned in closer to hear him speak. "When it was your turn," he looked at her, biting his lip at the image in his mind. "Somehow, Archer happened to be there and started shooting at me." Roy's voice became more and more distant with each word. "But you... you jumped in front of me and took those bullets for me. I thought you died... then suddenly I saw King Bradley's face again just before I woke up." He looked down at her. She had an unreadable expression on her face. "Riza?" he gave her shoulder a tiny shake. She seemed to have been shaken out of her reverie. The woman shook her head and stood up, breaking out of Roy's hold, as if he hadn't just spilled something terrible to her. As she started walking off, Roy felt the nagging feeling get worse.

"Wait, Riza," he called, struggling to get up from the couch. "Where are you going?"

She turned back, looking quite surprised. "I have to go, Roy," she explained gently, while glancing up at the grandfather's clock next to the couch. "It's almost nine. You have to go, too."

"Wait, what?" Roy exclaimed, thoroughly confused, reaching out to hold onto her left hand. "What's going on?"

She just smiled sadly, and gently pulled her hand away. "Just remember, Roy," she said sadly. "You can keep dreaming, but reality won't change."

He turned to look at the grandfather's clock, to see what was so interesting. 8:59. The second hand reached the 11. Five seconds until nine.

Tick. Tick, tick, tick...

_Is it possible? That all is a dream? A figment of my imagination... I'm crazy? Then where is reality?_

...Tick.

BONG! BONG! BONG!

Roy jerked awake at his desk, his hand reaching out to solidly connect with the cuckoo clock on his desk. "Ow, damnit!" he cursed, pulling his stinging hand to his chest, biting his lip at the stinging sensation. When the pain slowly subsided, he frowned and carefully looked at his clock. 2100 hours.

"What... happened?" Roy mused out loud to himself. "Am I finally awake?" First glancing down at his cradled hand, he tentatively reached up for his face. Sure enough, there it was... the eye patch that he still wore, that would be his everlasting reminder of that one fateful night. It wasn't there in his dream, or dreams per se.

His frown deepened as he shook his head, attempting to clear his mind of such things. Even so, he kept thinking while he absentmindedly pulled out a file from his top desk drawer. _What did that dream mean? Is that how things would've been if she lived?_ He stared fixedly at the work in his hands as he thought just as hard, not quite seeing.

"Hey private, I can almost hear the gears in your head turn." Roy's head jerked up to see his partner, Private Adrian Matthews, leaning nonchalantly against the doorway.

"Heh," Roy relaxed almost immediately, scratching at his head. "I was just... thinking."

"Like you always are," Adrian replied with an easy smile on his face. "Anyway," he quickly glanced down at his wristwatch. "It's about 9:30 right now. We've got to get out of here before the big boss comes and kicks us out," he said, referring to the general in charge of the building, known to be a very gruff grandfatherly figure. "You up for a late dinner?"

Roy eyed the documents in his hand. Suddenly they didn't as interesting as they had a minute ago. "Sure," she agreed, carelessly tossing the papers onto his desk. He stood up, stretching before walking to the door. As he started closing the door, Adrian stopped him, casually strolling down to Roy's desk.

"Roy," he called. "Is there a reason why your clock still says 9?"

His eyebrows shot up above his hairline. Feeling somewhat alarmed, he followed the other private over. "It was working earlier..." he hear himself say uncertainly. He watched as Adrian fiddled with a few switches.

"There!" And the clock started ticking again.

"Thank you." Roy said quietly, still feeling out of sorts by the clock. There was no way... Just no way. As he started turning away, he was once again distracted by Adrian's voice.

"Hey, what's this?" he turned back to see the other private point to his open drawer. He leaned over to see what it was... and gasped. His blood ran cold with recognition. How the hell...

Suddenly, Adrian turned back to Roy with a knowing look on his face. "For your girlfriend at home, eh?"

"Yeah..." Roy choked out, still staring at _his_ open state alchemist watch with the locket and ring hanging out, and just _one_ thought still going through his head. _How the hell did it get there_... "When I thought I..." Then he noticed Adrian looking at him with a puzzled expression. Roy shook his head again. "Never mind." He said softly. "You know what?" Adrian silently tilted his head. "Now would be a good time to get dinner." Roy suggested meaningfully.

As they headed out the office, Roy lingered by the doorway, still looking at the open drawer. He slowly closed the door shut, praying deep in his heart that it was just a mere hallucination that both he and his partner saw. Walking down the hallway, he shoved the image of silver watches and necklaces and rings out of his mind. _That wedding was a dream. She was a dream. This must be a dream, too._ He thought to himself. _It'll go away after I wake up. Might as well stuff myself silly._ But at the back of his mind, Roy wondered how he had become so good at denying the truth.

The next morning, Roy Mustang strolled into his office in a cheerful mood. Why? He didn't know. He comfortably settled into his seat and reached for the remaining documents on his desk that he needed to take care of. As he read through the report, he absentmindedly reached to open his top drawer for blank paper. Hw scowled to himself when it didn't budge. Locked? He never locked his desk.. must've been the big boss looking for something again and locking up for him as an extra precaution. Nevertheless, Roy reached into his pocket for his keys. When he found the respective key to the lock, he paused. Something was bothering him again, like a warning at the back of his mind, something he couldn't quite catch. Roy quickly shrugged it away, why ruin a perfectly good morning with something so trivial, and unlocked the drawer. He pulled the drawer open.

The key clottered to the ground and his breathing became quick and shallow as his heart beat rapidly. Suddenly, the previous night's events all came back to him; the dreams, the wedding, his broken clock... the watch and the chain with the locket and the ring. He took it all in as he numbly stared into the drawer, something glistening trailing down his face. And inside the drawer, plain as the light of day, a pile of smoky gray ashes swirling to form two very clear, intricate words...

_I do._

_-fin_

**A/N1:** Part II of 'Ashes,' dedicated to luvinaoshi because I never posted this, rawr. I'm not exactly happy with this piece as it was written over a year ago (07302005-08112005 are the dates that I have written down) and I haven't beta'd or looked at it since. This will be the last thing I'm going to post at but you can still find me over at Livejournal if anyone is curious. I just like to thank everyone for the encouraging words and support. Thank you for stopping by to read this and anything else. I do read every single review (that I receive in my email, at least) and appreciate your kind words. Thank you.


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